What Once Was Lost
by SingingMisery
Summary: He's kind of an idiot, though. He has a pretty boy lusting after him, and he doesn’t do a goddamned thing about it


Title: What Once Was Lost

Pairing: Leon/Cloud, mentions of ?/Cloud

Warnings: Rape, angst, sex...just my usual

Beta: Etrixan (fanfiction)/Etrix(Livejournal)

* * *

"How was I supposed to know the old lady would smack me with her purse? All I said was that it was good she was being healthy." Leon scowled, idly rubbing a red mark on his arm.

Next to him in the car, Cloud tried to keep from smiling. He gripped the steering wheel hard. "Leon...no woman, no matter how old, wants a man to comment on the contents of her purse. Especially when there are condoms."

The brunet 'hmphed' slightly. "Well, she shouldn't have dropped it then."

Cloud sighed, a slight smile finally breaking through. "You don't know much about women, do you Leon?" Well, neither did he. But at least he had the experience of having a sister. He learned how to keep on his toes, that was for sure.

"Well, seeming as the only girl I dated ran off with my worst enemy...no, I don't."

Cloud winced, watching his friend and roommate out of the corner of his eye. It had been a year, but Leon still hadn't forgotten Riona. And how she had left him for Seifer. Who Cloud had never met, but sounded like a real asshole. Personally, he thought anyone who left Leon was stupid to say the least. His grip tightened on the steering wheel again, nails digging into the leather. He didn't know when these feelings had started, he had been living with Leon for over two years, but they were getting increasingly hard to ignore.

Leon shot him a frown. "What are you thinking about?"

Cloud blinked, coming out of his reverie. "Huh?"

The older man pointed at the steering wheel. "You're gripping it pretty tight there."

The blond loosened his grip, fake smile coming over his face. "Nothing really. Just some work stuff."

Leon focused his steel gray eyes on Cloud, studying. The silence that followed was awkward as Cloud avoided the gaze by staring at the road. Finally, Leon spoke, "fine." He looked out the window. "Can we stop at the bank? I have a cheque I'm supposed to deposit."

The blond nodded, glad the focus was off of him. "Yeah, I needed to go there anyways."

* * *

Later, the two were waiting in line. The machine outside was broken and both men were unwilling to drive around to find another. To alleviate the inevitable boredom that comes from waiting in line, they kept a conversation going with small talk about each other's day. Cloud worked for a small, independent delivery service, while Leon worked as a columnist in the local newspaper. Both jobs required little contact with people as both men tended to shrink away from socialization. Maybe that was why they got along so well.

Cloud was just about to begin a story about his "charming" boss Cid when the door to the front of the bank swung open violently. Attention gone to the sudden increase of volume. His brain froze, unable to process the scene in front of him.

Six men (at least he thought they were men) strode towards the front desk. The reason Cloud was able to distinguish the gender was the fact that each of them wore a Halloween mask. Nightmarish werewolves, demons, and vampires loomed out of dark hoods. Another fact that didn't escape Cloud's attention was each of them had a deadly looking gun. He didn't know enough about guns to name the make or model. Beside him, Leon inhaled sharply. Cloud snapped his blue eyes to Leon, suddenly very afraid. But not for himself, afraid for Leon, afraid of what may happen.

One of the masked people, a grotesque demon, turned to the few people in line. Emerald green eyes twinkled maliciously in the eye sockets, as they scanned the crowd. They landed on Cloud and stayed there. Not willing to be cowed, Cloud stared back. Somehow, the blond just knew he was smirking behind his cover. Finally, the gaze moved on.

"Now, I don't want any misfortunate accidents to happen." The man's voice was silky and cruel. But it was quiet, which made it all the scarier. He aimed a gun at the teller, a middle-aged woman. "So you will follow my associate's instructions."

Another moved forward, vaulting over the counter. "Show me where the money is, missus." With a nod, the trembling clerk led the man towards the safe. The rest of the men, Cloud could tell they were all men by their voices, started to herd the terrified bank customers along to the safe as well. Cloud started to follow, but a hard hand clamped down in his arm. He turned, looking in demon's face.

"Not you, though. I might need a hostage." Leon looked back and surged forward, intent on helping his friend only to get clubbed to the side of his face with a gun by one of the other men. He stumbled, blood instantly welling up. As the man raised the butt to strike him again, Cloud yanked his arm free. He placed himself between a downed Leon and the gunman, protecting him from further injury.

"Leave him alone!"

The man started to raise his fist, to hit him, when there was a curt sound. It took Cloud a few seconds to realize that someone was laughing. The leader stepped forward, his mirth muffled by the mask. "Leave." He gestured to the others. "Take the rest of the people and lock them in the safe. I'll stay here with _him_." He pointed the gun at Cloud. "And guard the entrance." He looked at his watch. "You have thirteen minutes. Go."

Soon, it was just Cloud and the man. The blond glanced around, suddenly very aware how alone and vulnerable he was. The gunman was watching him now, head cocked slightly to the side. "On your knees."

Cloud bit back an angry retort, his anxiety prickling anew. He obeyed, floor hard under his knees. He had a hole in his jeans and his skin was getting cold. Cloud flinched as the gun was used to trace the outline of his jaw and cheeks. "So tell me...was that your boyfriend?"

Cloud shook his head, breathing rate increasing. "No." He clenched his eyes shut. "He's a friend."

A dark chuckle was his response. "A friend. Of course." Now a leather clad hand was threading its way through his hair. It took all of his control not to pull away. "But you wish he was more, don't you? I saw the way you looked at him on the way into the bank, how you brushed close to him." The gun slid underneath Cloud's chin. His face was tilted up, blue eyes meeting green. "Oh come on. You can tell me."

Cloud didn't say anything, hating that he was on his knees still.

"He's kind of an idiot, though. He has a pretty boy lusting after him, and he doesn't do a goddamned thing about it." Cloud couldn't contain his shudder of disgust as a thumb caressed his cheekbone with overt gentleness. "Oh, don't be modest. You are a pretty one. Now, if I was him, I would take complete advantage of it."

The implication of the words and his position suddenly hit Cloud. He glared up into the horrific face, lip trembling. "Fuck you." His voice trembled.

Another chuckle. "In time. It would be so easy for my men to kill all those people, your boyfriend included." He cupped Cloud's chin. "It doesn't have to be painless. I know how to hurt." The blond went numb with horror, mind flashing to a bloody Leon. He had a feeling it could be so much worse. "You know what I want you to do."

Cloud lost his breath all at once. He knew what this man wanted. It was pretty obvious, the evidence practically waving in his face. It was horrifying, knowing he had no choice. But he couldn't risk Leon's life, or those innocent people's lives, by resisting now.

Shaking slightly, he raised his hands to the waistband of the man's pants. He forced his rapid growing nausea down. Fuck. He really had to do this. He stopped, hands so numb he couldn't feel his fingers. The muzzle of the gun pressed into his cheek. "Keep going."

Swallowing loudly, Cloud pulled the pants down just enough to expose the stranger's cock. He faltered when he saw just how hard the man was already. It made things a little easier. _Just do it. Then you can home, throw up and pretend this whole thing never happened._

But his body wouldn't cooperate. The scent of male excitement was overwhelming his senses, the manhood heavy in his hand. The man's hand slid behind his head. "Don't tell me you have never done this before." His voice was thick with want now. He rubbed a thumb over Cloud's mouth, smirking at the look of revulsion. "You have a pretty mouth. Use it." There was anger mixed in with the arousal now.

Cloud gritted his teeth again. He had done this before. It was just a blowjob. But there was something just shameful about it. He was powerless, with gun to his head.

Steeling himself, he took the man into his mouth. He nearly gagged at the feel of soft skin and hard muscles. He stopped, unexpectedly terrified. The disgusting taste of sex filled his mouth. The breathing above him became hot and heavy accompanied by lusty moans. The hand tightened around his neck, a wordless order to continue. He bobbed his head, tongue working in time with his mouth. He was nothing more than a whore now, a thing to be used as this man saw fit.

The moans rose as Cloud fulfilled the masked stranger's need. Then, with no warning, the man reached his peak, filling his mouth with the bitter liquid. Quickly, he withdrew. Cloud tried to spit it out but the leather hand clamped his mouth shut. The gun pressed painfully into his cheek.

"Swallow, sweetheart."

Slowly, Cloud swallowed, the fluid sliding down his throat. That was it. He hated himself.

As he was shoved away, something snapped inside him. Tears spilled down his face, as he curled up within himself. Someone loomed over him, the demon mask inches away from his face.

"I should take you with me." The words were light, as was the hand back in his hair. Cloud could barely contain the terror that those words brought. Footsteps were heard as the rest of the men came out. Bags were bulging with money.

One of the vampire masks studied the odd position his boss was in with the hostage. "What's going on?"

The leader stood, shrugging. "Nothing." They strode to the exit, he paused to look back at Cloud. "Nothing at all."

Finally, in the silence, Cloud started to sob.

* * *

What seemed like hours later, Leon sighed with relief as he entered his apartment. He bandages on his head itched slightly. His hand cramped from having to fill out report after report of what had happened. But he wasn't worried about himself. Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Cloud slowly walk to sit on one of the chairs in the living room. His blue eyes found the floor and stayed there. The blond had been acting very subdued. He had sworn that nothing had happened while he was alone with that maniac. Leon swallowed. God, that had been terrifying. If he ever lost Cloud...

He cleared his throat, causing Cloud to look up sharply. "Are you thirsty? I can get you water or...?" He left the statement hanging. Cloud nodded slightly, gaze going back to the floor. Leon frowned. He stepped into the small kitchen and filled a glass of water. Pausing for a minute, he grabbed one of his sleeping pills. He had stopped using them a while ago, after he figured out he was in love with...

He placed the water and pill in front of Cloud. The man looked at them, frowning. "What's that?"

"Something that will help you sleep."

Cloud stood, eyes haunted. "I don't need that. I can sleep fine." He grabbed the glass and downed it. He placed back on the coffee table. "Good night."

Leon blinked, surprised at this show of curtness. "Good night." The door slamming shut was his response.

He sat for a few more minutes, staring at the empty glass and the small pill. Something had happened, that was for sure. An image of Cloud, clearly terrified as he tried to wrench himself free from the robber's grasp flooded his mind. He had acted on instinct, wanting to hide the blond away from everything. Just take him in his arms and protect him. He had failed then, and he was failing now. Leon drummed his fingers impatiently.

"What aren't you telling me?"

* * *

Cloud took of his shoes, flinging them across his room. At first he didn't bother to take off his clothes, idly toying with the frayed hem of his t-shirt. Then the memories surfaced.

With a shudder, he yanked his pants and shirt off and flung them near his garbage can. He never wanted to wear them again.

Standing in the dim light of his room in his boxers, he heaved loudly. Finally, his body rebelled against his control and he barely reached his toilet in time to vomit. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as his whole body retched. Flushing the toilet, he brought his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them. His matted blond hair hung over his eyes. _It was over. Over._

So why did he feel so afraid?

_I should take you with me. _God, those words had horrified him. He couldn't imagine what that would be like. He probably would never see Leon again. That idea terrified him more than anything else.

What if that lunatic found him again? His eyes had spelled it out plainly. He wanted more. And he didn't seem like the kind of person to just let things go. Cloud made himself smaller, hating that he felt afraid in his own home.

Feeling slightly brave, he ventured into his room. He grabbed a baggy pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Quickly dressing, he sat down on the edge of his bed, frowning balefully at the floor, before falling back onto his bed. Cloud curled up, staring at the wall. He stayed like that until the first rays of light filled his room.

* * *

Leon was woken by the soft sounds of rummaging in the kitchen. The numbers of the clock slowly came into focus. It was five-twenty in the morning. He got up, not bothering to grab any clothes. He opened his door and got a frightened, pale face snapping up. "Cloud."

The blond couldn't help but admire how beautiful Leon was. He was shirtless, which showed off his toned and tanned chest. This thought caused him to freeze.

_But you wish it was more, don't you?_

Cloud pressed his hand hard onto the counter. Now even his innocent infatuation with Leon was tainted. Nothing was sacred. He flicked his eyes over to Leon. "You know what, I'm actually not hungry." He grabbed his coat and keys, all but running to the door. "I'll see you later."

Leon sat down, disheartened by this. It was only now that he realized Cloud didn't have to be into work until another two hours.

* * *

Cloud sat in his car, trying to get a grip his emotions. He breathed hard, exhaling harshly. He fastened his seatbelt and started the engine. The exit to the parking garage rapidly loomed before him. He slammed on the brakes, finding himself unable to pull forward. That man was somewhere out there. He was laughing over what happened. Maybe even trying to find him.

Cloud closed his eyes, turning around to re-park his car.

* * *

Leon breathed in slowly, letting it out even slower. It had been six days since the robbery. Things with Cloud had not improved at all. The blond had taken to saying inside all day. He wasn't going to work, he wasn't eating, and he wasn't sleeping properly either. He had lost weight and the circles under his eyes were darkening. Leon drummed his nails softly, a habit he has picked up lately. Watching the man he loved like this was killing him. He stared at the bedroom door. He had gotten Cloud to finally take a sleeping pill, after much cajoling. He was sleeping. At last.

The dark-haired male leaned back, transferring his gaze to the ceiling. He was fed up with tiptoeing around Cloud, but the blond was plainly scared of leaving his own place. Something bad had happened. Something really bad.

_He can't eat or sleep. He's scared of everything. He can't stand to be touched_.

Leon sat up, a thought striking him like lightening. Cloud had been alone with the freak for quite a while, plenty of time for something to happen.

Leon sat up, covering his mouth. God, he was such an idiot. Why hadn't he seen it sooner? He turned back to Cloud's door. Feeling apprehensive, an emotion he hadn't experienced in a long time, he reached for the doorknob.

* * *

_Cloud was back in the bank, only this time, there were no exits. His breathing shallow, he tried to find a way out. He pounded on the walls, hoping they would give way under his hands. To his amazement, they did. Suddenly, he was back in his bedroom. His breathing evened out slowly. It was okay. He was safe._

"_Hello, pretty boy."_

_His sight was filled with the demon mask, leather-gloved hands grabbing for his wrists. He cried out in horror, yanking them free. He punched the man in the face, too scared to feel triumph at the groan of pain. This was his haven. How had he found him here? He wasn't safe. He wasn't safe._

"Cloud!"

_He wasn't safe_

"Cloud! Wake up!"

"L...eon?" With a sudden jolt, Cloud awoke. His wild gaze took in his surroundings. Leon was holding his jaw, working it slightly. Apart from him, there was no one else. _It was dream._

His relief was quickly overshadowed by his guilt. He had punched someone in the face, just not his supposed attacker. He sat up, on the verge of apologizing. But the brunet held up his hand. "Don't. It's okay, I shouldn't have scared you." There was on awkward silence. Leon's eyes were pained. "Cloud, what's going on? You can tell me." Cloud looked away, jaw set. "I just want to help."

The blond looked up, desperately wanting to burst into tears and seek the comfort Leon was obviously willing to give. But something forced him to shake his head instead. "I'm fine, Leon." To prove his point, he got up, only to stumble slightly. Suddenly, the other man was there, holding him. Cloud nearly lost his breath at the brush of his bare arm against Leon's.

_I saw the way you looked at him on the way in, how you brushed close to him. _

"I'm fine!" His voice went a little high in his panic and he jerked away from Leon. The brunet held his hands out, not following as Cloud skittered across the room to flatten against the wall.

"No, Cloud...you're not fine. I've been trying to avoid this conversation, trying to give you space. But you aren't eating, or sleeping. For god's sake, you were nearly screaming in your sleep!" Cloud flinched at the sudden increase of volume. Leon inhaled, getting his emotions under control, not wanting to scare the younger man. "I'm really worried about you. I want to help." He took a step forward, relived when Cloud didn't try to shrink back. "Tell me what's wrong."

Dull sapphire eyes met his. "Oh, nothing much. Just that a crazy man with a gun forced me to suck him off to prevent him from killing you and everyone else in that vault." He felt a cruel sense of satisfaction when Leon recoiled in pain, as if he had been slapped.

Leon took another step forward. "Cloud..."His voice was barely above a whisper. "I-I'm sorry."

The blond turned around and stomped out into the kitchen. Leon had only started to follow when he heard a drawer open and the sounds of rummaging. He entered the room and was frozen by what he saw. Cloud had a knife in his hand and was tracing disturbing cuts on his forearm. "Are you sorry, Leon?" His voice was disturbingly blank. "You're sorry? I am too."

Leon lunged forward, knocking the knife out of the blond's hand. He turned, seizing Cloud's shoulders and shook them. "What do you think you are doing?" His voice wavered.

The same dullness from before took over Cloud's eyes again. "Just...tell me I'm useless, Leon. I'm a whore. We all know it."

Leon was shocked. Obviously this had a worse effect than he initially thought. He gathered Cloud's cheeks in his hands, forcing the blond to look at him. "Listen to me. What happened was not your fault. You were raped, Cloud. You're a victim." He held firm when Cloud tried to pull away.

Cloud blinked rapidly, embarrassed by his oncoming tears. "But I didn't stop it." A stray tear traced its way down his cheek. It handed on Leon's thumb.

"You had a gun to your head. You didn't want it, any of it." He slid closer, pressing the younger man to his body. "This wasn't your fault. And if I ever catch you doing something like this to yourself again," he gestured to Cloud's arm, "I'll...I'll spank you."

Despite the situation, that brought a dry smile. "You'll spank me?"

Leon shrugged, looking embarrassed. "Yes."

Cloud leaned forward, resting his forehead on a strong bicep. His body was shaking, and a few laughs were heard. But soon, the laughs dissolved into crying. "You...have no idea..."

Leon was more alarmed now. He carefully pulled Cloud up, looking into his sapphire eyes. "I have no idea about what?"

Cloud gave a hollow laugh. "I love you Leon. I was in love with you even before you broke up with Riona. I prepared myself for a life of just being your friend, and I was okay with that. But now I can't even be that. He's always there, in my head, in my dreams."

Just when Leon thought he couldn't become even more surprised..."Cloud..."

"I understand, Leon. You don't feel the..." He was silenced by the gentle pressure of Leon's lips on his own. As if he was afraid of spooking the blond, the other man backed off. There was another silence, Cloud's blue eyes staring into Leon's uncertain grey ones.

Leon cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "Well..."

Cloud sighed, looking away. "Leon, don't do this. Don't do that because you pity me."

"It's not pity." Leon's voice was quiet. "I love you, Cloud Strife. Who else has been there for me when I needed it? You've always been my light, the one I came home to each night." He looked up, holding Cloud's gaze. "I love you. I'll say it as many times as you need me to."

Cloud allowed himself to be embraced. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so safe, so comfortable. He wrapped his arms around Leon, hugging the warm body closer to him, like he was trying to climb inside Leon's skin. They stayed like that for a long time, simply basking the glow of each other's presence. Cloud radiating in the strength and love, Leon in the knowledge that finally he was happy.

Leon pulled away slightly, still holding onto Cloud. "On Tuesday we are going to a therapist." The newspaper company he worked for had a good medical plan, which included mental health care. He wasn't going to kid himself into thinking he was the man's salvation, Cloud needed professional help. "You need to talk about this. About the anger you have with yourself...and with me."

The blond's head shot up. "I'm not angry with you."

Leon sighed, "Cloud, I know that deep inside, you wish there was something I could have done. Don't deny it."

The blond opened his mouth, but closed it after a few seconds. It was completely irrational, stupid, and petty. But he did feel a bit bitter towards Leon.

The brunet smiled sadly, brushing a blond spike out of Cloud's eyes. "It'll help you, I promise." He leaned forward, pressing another chaste kiss to petal-coloured lips. "Let's go to bed."

Cloud stood, leaning on Leon. He felt a bit uncertain now, not sure what to do. "Can we sleep in the same bed?"

Leon sighed and smiled, relieved. "Of course."

* * *

Over the next two months, Cloud's demeanour did improve. His sleep was barely plagued by nightmares and he was slowly gaining back some of the weight he lost. He returned to work, where his boss gruffly told him he'd been missed. The daily therapist visits were now on a weekly basis. The doctor, a man named Dr. Daniels, had been very patient and understanding. Cloud had initially refused to talk, clamming up about the details of his assault. But after some careful probing, the doctor had gotten the blond to open up. Cloud let everything flood out, his shame, his hurt, even his anger at himself and Leon.

The doctor's office became somewhat of a safe place as well. Leon came with him to every appointment, waited patiently until the hour was up, and then drove Cloud home. The most interesting day was when he was invited in. Inside, Cloud explained why he was angry. He was realizing he was a victim, and needed someone to blame. He now understood that neither he nor Leon was to blame, it was the man who had pointed a gun at his head. For one of the few times in his life, Leon allowed himself to cry in front of a stranger.

In their relationship, things progressed at a slow but comfortable pace. Cloud little by little became used to being touched without jumping. Leon always made sure he was in sight, and never snuck up on him. The brunet found himself fascinated by just watching Cloud. His pale skin was so soft and smooth to the touch. His beautiful blue eyes that brightened when he was happy. Even when he was in something as simple as sweatpants and a t-shirt, Leon thought he was gorgeous. The blush that followed whenever Leon told Cloud so was adorable. The shy, sideways glance, when he told Leon he was good-looking as well was endearing.

Sex was never really discussed.

In the evening, the two would sit on the couch and watch TV. Often, Leon was acutely aware of just how close Cloud was sitting next to him, the warm curve of his body. Sometimes when Cloud was in bed, Leon had to rush to the bathroom and vent his arousal. He tried to keep quiet, but the walls were thin in their apartment. The blond would always give him an uncertain look, when he entered their bedroom, and Leon knew he was expressing his guilt at putting the brunet in that situation. Leon always reassured him, explaining that he wasn't in any hurry. They would get there, one day. In the meantime, he was happy just being able to sleep next to Cloud at night. The kisses were gradually getting more intimate, Cloud's fear disappearing. Leon had never been with a man, but somehow kissing Cloud felt so right that he couldn't deny himself.

Their days took on this comfortable routine. One night Cloud had managed to tangle himself comfortably within Leon's limbs. The room was illuminated by the TV, but neither man was paying much attention. They were dozing lightly, breathing even. Over his tiredness, Cloud dimly registered the voice of the announcer of the news.

"...responsible for several robberies, including the Hollow Bastion bank robbery."

Cloud sat up, sleepiness forgotten. He scrambled for the remote, turning up the volume. He sat on the floor, riveted to the screen. Leon blinked, looking confused at his sudden loss of warmth.

"Police apprehended the majority of the suspects. However, one refused to surrender and proceeded to shoot at the police after ordered several times to lower his gun. Officers had no choice but to return fire. He died as a result of his wounds." The screen flashed to a picture of a man who had long silver hair and cold green eyes. Cloud nearly lost his breath. He knew those eyes anywhere. "Police have now confirmed that he was indeed the architect of these planned robberies and are searching for his identity...."

Leon took the remote from Cloud's numb fingers, turning the television off. In the dark, he could make out Cloud's outline. The blond wasn't moving. Slowly, Leon reached over and flicked on the lamp next to him. The blond started at the rush of light, but still didn't move. The brunet slid off the couch, landing next to his boyfriend. Eyes flicked over to him, but instead of fear, there was anger. It was building and building until...

"THAT FUCKING COWARD!" Cloud was practically seething, breath hissing with each inhale. "All this time, I was contenting myself with the fact that he would hopefully be arrested and thrown in jail. Then someone would do to him the exact same thing he did to me. And what does he do? He took the easy way out!" Cloud stood, pacing angrily while muttering. "He deserved to pay. He deserved to go to prison and be fucking raped!"

Leon watched from his seat on the floor. He knew that his best bet was to wait until Cloud was done venting. It would push out some of the bitter poison still residing in his heart.

Cloud threw himself down next to Leon, eyes wild. "All this time, I was afraid. Afraid he was going to come find me, that he would hurt you..."

Leon leaned closer, resting his forehead against the other man's. He idly rubbed Cloud's cheekbone with his thumb. "He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

Cloud closed his eyes, hands clenching. "He's. Still. There. He's still there, in my head and my dreams. I want to go on, be normal, now that he's gone for good, but I don't think I can." He tried to pull himself away from the brunet. "I still feel so tainted, Leon.

Leon held him close still. "Listen to me. I don't expect you to magically "feel better" after something like this. It can take months, even years until you feel normal again. I'm not going to leave you. You think you're tainted?" He paused, dropping a soft kiss to Cloud's mouth. "I think you're so beautiful that it hurts to look at you. None of this is your fault, do you hear me? I will keep saying it until you believe me. It's not your fault."

"I'm...beautiful?" Wide blue eyes flicked down to the floor. He felt the sudden urge to hide himself. Leon was the beautiful one, not him.

A strong hand cupped under his chin. "Don't do that. Look at me." Another kiss ensued, this one deeper, more passionate. Leon's look became indecipherable, his grey eyes dark. "Let me show you how I feel. I want to make love to you until the only thing on your mind is how good I am making you feel." He was rewarded by a shudder from Cloud. The man's breathing sped up until he was almost panting. Was it fear or something else? How could he find out? By asking a simple question: "Do you trust me?" For the first time, uncertainty coloured his voice.

Cloud swallowed, wetting his suddenly dry lips. The words had an undeniable effect on him. This was a man he loved and trusted above all others. He owed it to him to at least try.

"Okay." He winced; embarrassed that he couldn't say anything more. He held out his hand, permitting himself to be led towards his bedroom.

* * *

Inside, Cloud shivered as his shirt was removed. Gently, he was laid back on his bed. Leon hovered over him, weight braced on his hands and elbows. Dipping down, he skimmed his lips along Cloud's collarbone. Even with the barest of pressure, Cloud inhaled sharply. His skin seemed supersensitive, hyper-aware of every movement. He could feel Leon smile against his skin. Soon, the lips moved to his throat, tenderly sucking on exposed skin. He gasped when Leon licked his Adam's apple. Then, the brunet drew back, eyes was again unreadable. "I've never done this with a man before," he confessed. His hand soothingly traveled up and down Cloud's bare arm.

Cloud leaned into the touch, opening his eyes. He used his hands to rub strong shoulders. "My experience is nothing to be envious of. I had a friend once. Sure we did stuff, but we never got very far." Zack was married to a very nice girl, named Aerith. Cloud had actually gone to their wedding. He expected to become upset at the sight of the man he loved marrying another person. But there had been no flash of pain, no jealous anger. It was then that he realized he never had loved Zack. "We...should probably take our time. I want to get to know you. "His hands cupped Leon's face, pulling him down for a kiss.

Leon nodded, looking slightly relieved. "I want to get to know you as well." His voice lowered slightly, pressing his clothed chest to Cloud's naked upper half. "All the spots on your body that drive you wild. All of the delicious noises I'm sure you'll make. Everything."

Cloud panted softly again, his fear being quickly overridden by the lust Leon was awaking in him. Slowly the cruel voice in his head was replaced by the Leon's loving one. He sat up, tugging Leon's shirt off. He wordlessly scanned the impressive body in front of him. He used his hands to explore the flat planes of Leon's chest, pausing only to examine any marks he could fine. A scar here, a freckle there. His pinkie finger brushed over a wine-coloured nipple. A sudden inhale of pleasure was his response. Interested, he did it again, watching the skin around tense and harden. He rolled it around in between his fingers, teasing the hard bud.

Leon suddenly moved, rolling them around until he was leaning over Cloud again. "My turn." With overt gentleness, he repeated the same motions as Cloud did before. The blond whined softly, urging Leon to press harder. He wasn't fragile.

Yet, it was wonderful to be treated this way. Like he was a rare treasure, to be pampered with the utmost care. The disgusting, impersonal touches of his attacker were being erased from his memory. Cloud writhed as Leon did exactly as he said he would. His neck, nipples, bellybutton, even his left hip seemed to have a direct effect on his cock. He had never been this turned on before. And he wasn't even undressed yet.

Leon was having the same feelings. Cloud caressed his back and sides, blue eyes bright with coiling desire. The brunet was fascinated by the noises that were a language all their own. When he was with Riona, he had never felt...this fulfilled. The sex had been good, but he had been missing something all along. Cloud was submitting himself so sweetly to Leon's ministrations, assuring the brunet of his strength. He put complete trust in Leon, letting his reactions talk for him. A soft whimper when his bellybutton was licked. _I need you. _A sharp inhale when his neck was nipped. _I trust you. _A cry when his cock was squeezed through his pants. _I love you. _

Wanting to see more, Leon hooked the waistband of Cloud's pants and underwear with his fingers. With a nod from his lover, the slipped them over thin hips and strong legs. Uncaring where the articles landed, he threw them over his shoulder. Cloud flushed slightly, restless as Leon stared at him, eyes traveling up and down the length of his body. "What?"

The older man leaned down, covering the slighter body with his own. "You have no idea how stunning you are, do you?" He rested his forehead against Cloud's, eyes truthful. "I could stare at you all day."

The flush spread down the blonds' pale chest, the soft pink vivid. "Have you looked in the mirror recently? _You_ are beautiful." He moved until he was free to kiss whatever skin he could reach.

Now it was Leon's turn to blush. With a wry grin, he shook his head. "Let's just agree to disagree on who is better looking." He looked down, his eyes briefly flashing with uncertainty. He rested his hand on Cloud's flat lower stomach, his gaze on the slighter man's hardening erection.

Cloud leaned up, eyes blank. "You don't have to do anything. I can take care of it myself." _I knew it. He can't bring himself to touch me._

Leon caught the hidden message behind the quiet words. He massaged the blonds' neck. "It's not that. I've just...never done this on anyone but myself." He caught soft lips in a reassuring kiss. "What do you want me to do?"

Cloud nearly slapped himself. Leon's never done this with a man. He blinked, unsure of how to instruct Leon what to do. He didn't know what to do. He had never had anyone ever ask him what he wanted.

Leon smiled sadly at the look of loss of Cloud's face. Anger flared at the dead man and what he did to Cloud. The blond was so unsure of himself, it was unsettling. He suspected no one had ever treated the blond with gentleness before. Sure, he said he had been with someone before, but Leon had a pretty good idea that it was nothing more than an opportunity for a release of hormones. "Do you want me to touch you?" He dipped his hand lower, idly playing with the short blond hair.

Cloud nodded, eyes fluttering close. "Yes. Please. Touch me, Leon." The thrust his hips up, hesitation and fear forgotten.

How could he refuse a request like that?

Thinking it would be easier if they were in the position he used to masturbate, Leon arranged them so that Cloud was leaning back against his chest. Pushing his own doubt away, Leon cupped Cloud's half-hard manhood, and coaxed it to hardness. The cry this action prompted was louder than before, and sweat started forming on Cloud's forehead. With slow movements, Leon jerked Cloud off. Even without the presence of mind to form sentences, Cloud still managed to speak to Leon. The brunet added a flick, teasing the small slit that the head, a sensation he'd always enjoyed. At the same time he whispered sweet nothings, commending the blond for his bravery. "You're not tainted, baby. Not broken, not dirty, just...perfect." He went slow and steady, delighting in the feel of Cloud squirming against him. He preferred hard, quick strokes while bringing himself off, but was willing to take the time to draw this experience out. Cloud seemed to be enjoying himself, his face missing the guards usually put up to protect himself. Leon was so caught up in his ministrations that he barely noticed his own arousal flowing in his veins. This was for Cloud. His own lust could wait.

Cloud could feel his orgasm approaching. His thrust his hips in time with his lover's pumping. He was safe, high above the world. Nothing could touch him. Nothing but Leon's gentle hands on his body. The words reached his frantic brain, sinking into his consciousness. He twisted his head around, wild eyes focused on Leon, whose face looked powerful and loving at the same time. The brunet nibbled on Cloud's tender ear, tugging on it slightly. "Come for me," the words were growled. "Let me watch you."

That opened the barriers inside him. Without a sound, Cloud came hard, coating Leon's hand in thick fluid. Some of his come splattered onto his stomach, but he couldn't bring himself to wipe it off. He kept thrusting up, riding out this ecstasy as long as he could. Trembling, he collapsed down into Leon's strong arms. The other man held him, still murmuring soft words of comfort. Idly, Leon lifted his wet hand and licked it. The taste was oddly arousing.

Cloud was finally able to get himself under control. He snuggled close to Leon, pressing lazy kisses to the man's bare arms. He shifted, thinking of how wonderful it would be to go to sleep. Only to come into contact with something hard poking into his back. He looked back up, eyes wide. "Leon, you didn't come."

Leon shrugged slightly. "It's okay. This was supposed to be about you."

Cloud shook his head, pulling himself out Leon's embrace. "That's not fair. You didn't come." He paused, once again awed by the toned body beneath him. This man had made him feel good. Leon deserved to feel the same. Cloud's voice lowered to a whisper. "I want to try."

Leon allowed himself to be appraised. The offer was tempting, but he didn't want Cloud to feel he h_ad _to do this. "You don't have to do anything." His suggestion was weak, he knew, but Cloud was just so delicious.

"I want to try." The statement was repeated, this time a bit more firm. Leon nodded, letting his body being laid on the bed. Cloud scattered wet, but gentle, kisses down Leon's torso. He faltered just a bit when he grasped his lover's pants, but Leon brushed a reassuring hand through his hair. This doubled his efforts to relax. Much like Leon before him, he flung the pants over his shoulder. Despite the nagging nerves, he drank in the sight of the brunet's naked body. His bare legs, strong and powerfully built, were still silky to the touch. But what had Cloud's attention was the growing flesh between his legs. Leon's cock stood up proudly from a nest of dark curls. "Leon, you're going to have to tell me what you like. I've done this twice before, neither attempts very successful."

The words took a few minutes to process. Leon was still tingling from where Cloud had touched him. "Don't feel you need to rush. In fact," he leaned back, spreading his legs further," I would prefer you didn't."

Cloud nodded. He titled his head down, eyes locked on Leon's. Flashes of what happened at the bank imprinted themselves on his eyelids, that cold voice echoed faintly in his brain, but he ruthlessly shoved them back. _This is nothing like that. I have control now. This can stop at anytime_.

With a few sharp licks, he teased the head, red with arousal, tasting the fluid that had gathered there. It wasn't bitter, just peculiar. Above him, Leon gave a strangled groan, letting his head fall back into the pillow. Feeling a bit braver, he traced the vein along the steely, softness of the underside of Leon's arousal. This prompted a cry, deep and wanton. Cloud blinked, loving the feeling he had. He was making this man, this powerful and beautiful man, cry out like this. He shuddered slightly, the power rush making his head fuzzy for a minute.

Deciding he didn't want to tease Leon anymore, Cloud took the head into his mouth. Then, inch by inch, he took the rest of Leon's cock into his mouth. A strong hand tangled its self in his hair, fingering the soft strands. Instead of cold leather, it was warm flesh. Above him, Leon stuttered his approval. Cloud knew he was ready for this. With a gentle bobbing motion, he used his lips and tongue to draw the reaction he wanted from Leon. The hard flesh twitched in his mouth. The moans above him grew in crescendo, announcing that Leon was going to come soon.

"C-Cloud. I'm gonna..." With a tug, he pulled Cloud's mouth off of him. He came with a keening cry, coating his stomach was thick strands of his fluids. Heart beating wildly, Leon flopped back onto the bed. Cloud reached over, grabbing a random towel of his floor. He cleaned his sated lover, careful not to over-stimulate the obviously sensitive skin. In the silence, both men gathered their thoughts.

"Cloud-"

At the same time, "Leon, I-"

Both smiled and laughed slightly. Leon stretched himself out, looking like a large kitten. "You go first."

The blond took another moment to collect his thoughts. "You are amazing. I don't know exactly what I've done to deserve this. In fact, I don't know if I _do _deserve this." He rested his hands on Leon's chest, face awed. "You do love me. And think I'm beautiful, and..." The words weren't spoken, but they were understood. _That it's not my fault_.

Leon reached up, drawing Cloud to hold him close. "Cloud." The simple pronunciation of his name called up so many emotions. "I love you, just for being you. That's all you have to know. It'll never change." The bond between them solidified with those words. Positioning himself, Leon brought Cloud to curl up by his side. A soft kiss was exchanged, both too sated and happy to become aroused by it. With a flick of his wrist, Cloud covered the both of them with a blanket. "Go to sleep." Leon's voice was coloured with exhaustion already. "We can talk in the morning." Cloud obeyed, body sagging with sleep.

And for the first time, in a long time, his dreams were pleasant. He spent the whole night lying with Leon, watching the stars, and feeling safe.

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Reviews please? They make me happy.

Notes: This was supposed to be a short story. But it turned into a 14 and a little bit page monster.

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